Fall With Me

As I fall deeper
I search for something to stop me
Stop this free fall
Hoping nothing appears

Apprehension - yes
Falling is meant to be scary
Meant to give you pause
That's why it is not to be taken lightly

I am not taking this lightly
I realize what is at stake
But I will give what is required
If only you fall with me

Awaiting Away

Can't drag my mind away
Daydreaming, nightwishing
I'd never be away from you

If I had a choice, if there weren't places to go
I don't think I would
Not enough time with you
Too much time away

I wait for your words
Calling me back
And your kiss on the head
Before you fade into the black

Sometimes I dread the future
Knowing we will be apart
Hating that fuzzy depth
Of being away from Home

I'm trying to trust
Wait it all out
See what God wants of us
Avoiding the doubt

Kiss me again, never let go
It may be presumptuous but I'm praying
You're all I'll ever know

Even When You're Gone

I can feel your lips on mine
A constant pressure
Almost a soreness

I can feel your tongue in my mouth
Adding flavor
Dancing with mine

I can smell you on my shirt
You're still with me
Even when you're gone

Where Have You Gone

I can picture you walking amidst the smoke
Adding to it yourself
With a drink in the other hand
Eyes looking for another comfort

I understand searching
And wanting something more
But I never understood
Why you looked right past the door

This movie in my head
Is sad and incomplete
Can I change the story now?
Can I change you?

Somewhere along the way, you were lost
Or maybe you were found
Do you know? Really?
Submersion got you nowhere but drowned

You're hurting, it's plain
I wish I could take it away
But I know how this works
You get through it, not over it

Pain does sit on a shelf
A trophy? Or a souvenir?
Something to take down and wear like an old coat
So familiar

You are your own person
But no human is to be trusted with its own well-being
We fail and fall
We are all crazy, expecting different results from the same actions

Turn back, come back
Take some time away
From all that calms and all that kisses
All that's not here to stay

My Heart

Here it comes again
That pressure, confinement
Intermittent claustrophobia
When I expect or not

My heart begins to ache
Trying to contain all of myself
My eyes see what I have not
Misting with loneliness

I don't belong to me
Floating aimlessly
I wait for someone
To sail with me purposely

Someone once taught me
To miss things I'd never had
I miss them now
And each time I wake up

Looking where it's not wanted
Flying from those who do
Keep getting wrong and
No one will be left to choose

I was born to be loved
And loved I am, true
But my heart is not full
Not fully shared

I can't carry it all
It longs to burst forth
But fear and pain
Hold me back, lock the doors

Someone will break through
Forcefully, if needed
Break down my walls
Claim the heart

That's never been mine

Crush

Silly, flirting
Is this adult-like?
Does it matter?
Isn't that the point?

I wonder if you see me
As I see you
I'm afraid to read it
Afraid to read it wrong
So I wait

You're cute, I'm not
You're genius, I'm not
You're real, I don't know what it means

Funny how this works
Not him, but you
Would it be easier if our parents worked this out?
Court me!

Instead it's online, text
Hints and clues
No note delivered by servants
"How I adore you!"

Stage fright?
Possible
Clueless?
Most likely
The one I want?
Oh yes

For now ;)

Exhaustion and Running Away

I have nothing left
To keep me going - to keep me sane
All that has a hold on me
Is easy to let go

I'm here but not - tired and fraught
My mind constantly elsewhere
So much apathy
Turned the tables

Who I've been hates who I am
And who I am doesn't want this
My eyes drift
Searching for what I'm missing

I have no faith in you
You've all let me down
I've no faith in myself
I've let you all down

Pressure - too much
Staying - too hard
Myself - too weak
To hold on for long

I am not a good friend
I finally admit
So when you leave me
Know that I expected it