I Miss You Now

All the words I couldn't say
You always seemed to hear
You've listened to how many fears
And seen too many a tear

I took you for granted
Got caught in myself
For some reason you stayed
After all others left

You stood by and let me live
Although you had much to give
I didn't find until the end
That you were the true friend

What have I done?
Why did I do this?
It is my fault, and I own to it all
Although you caught me, I let you fall

I questioned you, I turned away
Despite the vow I gave
Because of that, I threw away
All there was to save

I pray that you read this
Maybe understand why
With all the words I wanted to say
Somehow the river ran dry

So it seems childish now
To reach out for you
But I'm at that point again
I've nothing left to do

No one else listens
No one knows me as well
No one else will understand
This pain, this cross - my hell

But here I am, again
Using you for what I can
Every time that I go down
You're my backup plan

When I cannot eat
And sleep too much
When I can't say
And I can't touch

The sad story is
There's no other how
Forgive me or not
I miss you now

Isolation Tank

What am I to do with myself
Sometimes I get so lost
I wonder if this is something I'll get over
Or another thing I need to fix

But fixing things always messes me up
I try too hard, hold on too long
My thoughts forever on overdrive
A train I can't slow down or jump

Sitting in the dark alone, searching for...
Searching for what?

Once surefooted, now scrabbling for ground
Reaching, straining, there's no one around
All that I had was all that I needed
And all that I was did not go unheeded
What did I lose that throws me down now
What cuts me down and fills me with doubt?

Words that I can't say, words no one hears
I'm in a forest falling
When everyone turns and nobody cares
No one hears me call

So many things I know could save me now
But I'm in this place for a moment
This place of downhill and downhearted
And right now I'm sitting

Some day I will stand and reach for Your hand
But I'm not ready yet
And I can't offer what I don't have

Remorse

Surrender


I trust that You will wait
Just like You always have
I pray the day doesn't come
When I simply can't let go

lies

Just one
That's all I want to hear
Coming from your lips

truth

But all I get
More and more
As you pull away even farther

LIE

You hate what you give
You ask for what you do not deserve
Because you only want immediacy

I could be someone for forever
You could be someone I talk to
But how can that be when I
When I cannot trust a thing you say

I am not here for your use alone
I am not someone you throw away
Because, like you, I am a person
And, like you, I have my emotions

I will not be treaded on
And I will no longer be fooled
By the smile you wear
Or the crown you bear

I pity you
Sad, shallow creature
Maybe you will one day see
Because of lies, you lost me