How Things Change and Stay the Same

Turning tables
Wandering fables
Cast upon you
Like so many wet towels

Hypocritical, it seems
How do you see it now?
You're on the other side
But it is no falsehood

I could speak in riddles
I could speak in rhyme
But this is burning me to the core
And for those I waste no time

Why did you speak against what you knew nothing about?
Now...

Now it is you
Who is your Achilles?
It appears to be yourself

I could be angry, for I have every right
In another's eyes
I wonder how another would feel

You burned me with lies
Now you burn by truth I did not even deal

So what now?


I pity you

You are entangled
And I wish I could rescue you
But I'm not sure how and...somehow...
I don't think you want to be saved from this

I have no anger for you
Only pity and love
Maybe pity is not what you want
But it cried out from my heart
When I understood your downfall

And so I will pray
Pray for you
Pray that you will see
Pray that God will lift you up
Pray that He does what He did for me

I Miss You Now

All the words I couldn't say
You always seemed to hear
You've listened to how many fears
And seen too many a tear

I took you for granted
Got caught in myself
For some reason you stayed
After all others left

You stood by and let me live
Although you had much to give
I didn't find until the end
That you were the true friend

What have I done?
Why did I do this?
It is my fault, and I own to it all
Although you caught me, I let you fall

I questioned you, I turned away
Despite the vow I gave
Because of that, I threw away
All there was to save

I pray that you read this
Maybe understand why
With all the words I wanted to say
Somehow the river ran dry

So it seems childish now
To reach out for you
But I'm at that point again
I've nothing left to do

No one else listens
No one knows me as well
No one else will understand
This pain, this cross - my hell

But here I am, again
Using you for what I can
Every time that I go down
You're my backup plan

When I cannot eat
And sleep too much
When I can't say
And I can't touch

The sad story is
There's no other how
Forgive me or not
I miss you now

Isolation Tank

What am I to do with myself
Sometimes I get so lost
I wonder if this is something I'll get over
Or another thing I need to fix

But fixing things always messes me up
I try too hard, hold on too long
My thoughts forever on overdrive
A train I can't slow down or jump

Sitting in the dark alone, searching for...
Searching for what?

Once surefooted, now scrabbling for ground
Reaching, straining, there's no one around
All that I had was all that I needed
And all that I was did not go unheeded
What did I lose that throws me down now
What cuts me down and fills me with doubt?

Words that I can't say, words no one hears
I'm in a forest falling
When everyone turns and nobody cares
No one hears me call

So many things I know could save me now
But I'm in this place for a moment
This place of downhill and downhearted
And right now I'm sitting

Some day I will stand and reach for Your hand
But I'm not ready yet
And I can't offer what I don't have

Remorse

Surrender


I trust that You will wait
Just like You always have
I pray the day doesn't come
When I simply can't let go

lies

Just one
That's all I want to hear
Coming from your lips

truth

But all I get
More and more
As you pull away even farther

LIE

You hate what you give
You ask for what you do not deserve
Because you only want immediacy

I could be someone for forever
You could be someone I talk to
But how can that be when I
When I cannot trust a thing you say

I am not here for your use alone
I am not someone you throw away
Because, like you, I am a person
And, like you, I have my emotions

I will not be treaded on
And I will no longer be fooled
By the smile you wear
Or the crown you bear

I pity you
Sad, shallow creature
Maybe you will one day see
Because of lies, you lost me

Let Me

What do you think?
I'm backing out
Can't take the pressure
No working hard for me

Like it's easy to just switch
I'm not thinking about every aspect
I just want an easier path
I just want to get done

Do you not realize?
Every day I worry
Am I doing the right thing?
What if I'm wrong?

Every minute I sit in torture
Wondering if I am being weak
By trying to get away
By doing something different

I was wrong before
What makes me think I'm not this time
Nothing
Nothing at all

There is every possibility
That I've screwed up again
But let me do it
Let me make this maybe mistake

Don't think I haven't thought
Don't think I haven't freaked out constantly
That I'm just jumping away and in
That I have no clue

Because maybe I don't
But I'm trying to figure it out
Please! Let me do this
If I am screwing up my life

Just let me

But I know you care
You just don't always show it
The way I want you to
The way I see it

You have to trust me
Because I don't trust myself
And someone needs to
If I'm going to survive

Your mind is set
But so is mine
Please listen
Let me speak my piece

Because maybe I'm right
This path I'm on is not for me
Another is my destiny
But it's something I can't see

I'm trusting in God
To pull me through whatever
So please trust in me
Let me do whatever

Back to the Beginning

When I don't know what to write
Shall I write what I don't know?
Or maybe that which bothers me most
Even the future seems possible

As to that of which I do not know
It is what rattles me deep
For I know nothing of the future
Therefore all connected are they

But what does it mean to know
Cause it all seems so shaky
When the future doesn't look all clear
And the path is never straight
Makes it hard to see ahead
Always looking around a curve

But thank God I have Someone steady
Someone pure and true
Someone who knows it all
And gives of what is needed

Someone who doesn't hesitate
To tell me when I'm wrong
Someone who wants to set me straight
When I tend to lose my way

Someone who won't walk away
And waits for me when I do
Thinking of everyone - they've all let me down
I thank You, Lord, that I have You

What Is At Stake

I don't understand
Where did the beginning go
And why does it always end so badly?

I was there once
Full trust is -
Open chest, cut here
Disappointment reigns

You want me to think the best
But I've been proven too many times wrong
I want to believe you
But you didn't give me the benefit of the doubt
So I doubt

Is it so hard
To stay close
No excuses
For jumping off bridges

Knowing more than I want
Knowing nothing at all
Which is worse?
Being clueless - Being wounded

This heart of protection
How much more can it take
I've lost so much hope
I don't know what's at stake